A Computerized Sort of Truth or Dare
by xXThat-Other-HobbitxX
Summary: Due to his popularity, Frodo.EXE tries to run an innocent Truth or Dare game. Needless to say, he should go back to being a king.
1. Starting Off

Frodo: Greetings, readers of Fanfiction! I, FRODO DROGO , have gained a decent amount of popularity on this site, and, because of the increase in popularity, I am now running a TRUTH OR DARE bar!

(Audience cheers and whoops as lights flash and confetti falls. Frodo bows with a grin)

Frodo: Thank you, my fans! Now, the rules are very simple: You may ask me, my wife Kirsten, the Fellowship, or my uncle a variety of questions (Embarrassing or not, there are no exclusions), or dare us to do something outrageous and crazy!

Sam: Are you absolutely sure this is safe, Mr. Frodo? Some fans can get reckless with things like these.  
Frodo: Of course, Sam! We'll all be perfectly safe during these!  
Kirsten: Really? So if someone asks me to do something straining and painful, I HAVE to do it, even though I'm pregnant?  
Frodo: Of course not, my love, I'll just send those sorts of dares to Boromir.

Boromir: WHAT?!  
Frodo: You can ask anything of us, but keep them PG-13, folks: We are a T-rated tale, not R or M.  
Kirsten: You can come close to it…  
Frodo: I know, but that's how I roll! I like to get down and dirty with those sorts of things!  
Bilbo: Frodo, remember, we're here for a game, not blabbing about our sex lives.  
Frodo (Smarmily): Oh, so I have to keep myself censored, Uncle? I've seen you going after the ladies of the land! (After all, you were restored to your prime by yours truly…)  
(Bilbo blushes, looks sheepish, and then shuts up)

Frodo: Either way, after we get a few truths and dares, we'll get the next chapter rolling, so send in those requests!


	2. Conversion and Pedophiles

Frodo: Welcome back, everyone! Now that we have a few inquiries, all from loyal follower, "daddy's number 1 girl", we can get this show on the road!  
Aragorn: That was quick.  
Frodo: Yes, like I said, she's a very loyal follower. Good friend of the author as well, but either way, to the questions! Question one, for me, of course, "How did you convert the others?"

Well, my friend, it was quite simple: After being able to gain control of the virus I still maintain power over to this day, I decided to brave the Recycle Bin, the prison holding my friends. So, tapping into the virus's powers, I entered the bin, pulled my friends out, and revived them.  
Sam: The most heroic thing you've ever done, Mr. Frodo.

Frodo: Aw, I don't wanna brag…  
Kirsten: You do it a lot already.  
Frodo: Onward! Next question, for Rosie and Arwen, "Did you willingly become an EXE, or were you forced?"

Arwen: Oh, no, no! There was no forcing at all!  
Rosie: That's right. We all didn't know what had happened, since we all didn't gain self-awareness until after our revival. We all just went dormant for some time, and soon, Frodo brought us out of our coma-like state, with a little help from Samwise.

(Sam blushes with a smile)  
Sam: I didn't do that much…  
Rosie: You saved me, love. I can never thank you enough.  
(Sam and Rosie kiss, as well as Aragorn and Arwen)

Audience: Aww!  
Frodo: A lovely moment, friends, but we still have 2 more inquiries to get through. Next, another question for me, of course: "Are you afraid of anything?"  
Hmmm, am I afraid of anything? Well, outside of losing Kirsten or the baby, or any one of my friends, I'd say nothing!

Kirsten: Okay, Mr. Macho, then why did you scream like a pussy when you saw those girls in those uncomfortable high heels on "BRIDEZILLAS"?  
Frodo: Hey, no fair! It freaks me out when women wear weird shoes that mess up their feet! That's why I don't buy you any high heels, aside from the fact that you don't like them.  
Kirsten: And aren't you also afraid of millipedes?  
Frodo: No one can blame me for that one! One almost crawled into my ear when I was a kid! It had pincers like garden sheers!  
Sam: You're afraid of dogs too, right? When Farmer Maggot's dogs attacked you when you were pilfering vegetables? **(A/N: This one is actually true, Frodo is afraid of large dogs)  
**Merry: And mice?  
Pippin: And earwigs?  
Frodo: ALL RIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH! I am afraid of losing my family and friends, women with wonky feet due to high heels, millipedes, large dogs, mice and earwigs!

Kirsten: Huh. Mice have never frightened me.  
Frodo: Darling, I know your fears too! I know you're afraid of clowns, spiders, zombies, and death itself!  
Kirsten: Grr, just keep reading.

Frodo: Right, sorry. Got off track *clears through* Question for Merry and Pippin, being "What is your best prank, and who did you pull it on?"  
Merry: Well, it'd have to be the prank we pulled on our cousin a few months ago, after Kirsten got pregnant.  
Pippin: He was eating in the dining hall, looking over a parenting book when Merry and I told him there was a guy outside saying he wanted the baby after she was born, wanted to raise her as his ward, and then marry her when she was 8.  
Merry: Yup, Frodo went berserk and attacked a tree we put a picture of a guy on. And the only reason we wanted him to attack the tree was so he could cut it down in order for us to get some of the sweet peaches growing on it!

Frodo *sighing with frustration*: You know, you could have, I don't know, ASKED ME TO HARVEST YOU SOME DAMN PEACHES!  
Merry: By the way, there is a legitimate pedophile outside who wants your baby.  
Frodo: WHAT?! *Unsheathes Sting*: I'LL DENUT THAT BASTARD! DIE!

(Frodo runs outside, screaming curses in Sindarian while everybody else watches)  
Kirsten: Why'd you do that?  
Merry: Don't worry, there's nobody out there. We just wanted to video tape him fighting the wind and end up falling in the mud. It was a dare for us anyway.  
Pippin *giggling*: Next time, we'll put a blue hedgehog in the toilet bowl and call it Sonic!

(While Pippin and Merry burst into tears of laughter, Kirsten groans and turns to the camera)  
Kirsten: Well, read and review, folks.


	3. UPDATE!

"Hello, everybody!" Frodo greeted, to the still-remaining audience, who began to cheer as soon as they saw the EXE king.  
"Yes, yes, quiet down now: Due to the rules of Fanfiction, I recently have learned that the previous style we used for our little Truth or Dare sessions were not quite applicable for the sight. Thankfully, we were informed of this by a kind reviewer, and we'll be writing in the normal style for this moment on!"

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam called, entering the room with an empty black bag. "We don't have any questions or dares!"  
"No problem, Sam," Frodo scoffed, rolling his darkened eyes. "Whenever that happens, we give the readers little tidbits about ourselves, just so they can get to know us better! I will go first, of course, so here I go!"

He cleared his throat, and began to talk.

"As you already know, I am Frodo Drogo Baggins .EXE, king of Middle-Earth .AVI. I'm 34 years old, live in Sauron's castle, which I have refurbished to my liking, and have a very happy existence. I enjoy partying hardy, tacos, and thrift shopping in your Interwebz world with Slenderman (And yes, we play the song "Thrift Shop" while doing so!). I'm also a big fan of soccer, I hate pedophiles and children's beauty pageants, and I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY IN 4 MOAR MONTHS!"

The audience clapped and whooped as Frodo smiled and nodded joyously, and Kirsten sighed in the background.  
"Oh, come on darling, don't be so pouty!" Frodo grinned, pulling her out of her spot and showing her to the crowd. "Come on, talk about yourself!"  
Kirsten sighed again, rolled her eyes, and then spoke:

"Well, I'm Kirsten, I'm 23 years old now, and I'm from Oregon. I had plans to become an author when I was older, write a few novels and such. But, uh, you know, Frodo got to me, and brought me here, and now I'm the queen of Middle-Earth . AVI!" With that, she gave a weak smile and even weaker chuckle.  
"And…" Frodo encouraged, rubbing her arms up and down.

"AND I like video games, creepypasta stories, and I'm now 5 months pregnant with a little girl we're going to name Thorn Rose Baggins."

The crowd cheered again, as Frodo turned to the camera and grinned, "Well, send in those inquires! They must be sent by PM's now to the author of these stories, THAT-OTHER-HOBBIT, so just drop a line and we'll answer!"


End file.
